COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but keeping your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin & keep away from children just like the bottle says.

Just once, I want the prompt for username & password to say: “Close enough.”

Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

If you see me talking to myself, move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.

“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?

I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad & my tech support guy is asleep. He’s five,  it’s past his bedtime.

Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops & open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.

Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.

So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

Old age is coming at a really bad time.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year, I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Now, I’m wondering, did I send this to you, did you send it to me, or have I only sent it to myself?

You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.
Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

“On time” is when you get there.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

It would be wonderful to put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are much older than you.

“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.

Thanks Dale Waters 🤣