Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I don’t know what people have against government; they haven’t done anything.

I can still chase women, only downhill.

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don’t they just print our money with a return address on it?

Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.